Dear Ex-Husband-That-Hasnt-Died-In-A-Car-Crash

Dear Ex-Husband-That-Hasnt-Died-In-A-Car-Crash,                                                                                                              

I have several concerns that I need to highlight with you regarding the time you spend with the children on a Saturday.

Firstly, the week before last,  Girl#2 told me, when she arrived home after spending the day with you, that you had hit her. She told me the events surrounding it, which was reinforced by the other children.  She said how she was dragged into the car whilst you shouted at her. Then as she continued to argue with Girl#1, you lashed out and hit her at the top of her thigh. Girl#2 said she cried all the way to your house, repeatedly asking to come home to me. When I asked what Girl#2 had done to warrant being hit, Girl#1 explained everyone was bickering over a communal bottle of Lucozade.

I find it incredibly distressing to know Girl#2 is upset in your care and concerning that you are unable to remain patient with them during the 8 hours visitation. I understand that children misbehave and how stressful it can sometimes be. After all, I cope with them on a permanent basis and do not need to use violence in order to illustrate acceptable behaviour.  Particularly, as you will know from attending their parents evening, that the girls are of above average academic ability and are incredibly mature. They can certainly be reasoned with and are happy to engage in discussions surrounding  my expectations of them. 

The most confusing thing for me, is in your text, when trying to justify hitting Girl#2, you said, “She didn’t listen to you, end of.”  Being a teacher, you seem to manage to control a classroom of 30 children (usually special needs) and get them to follow your instructions, but seem to need to use physical violence in order to control an 8 year old.

The incident mentioned by Girl#1 and Girl#2 about Boy#1 refusing to get into your car three weeks ago at the park, when he ran off for 20 minutes and had to be collected by Girl#1, is unacceptable. He would never run off from my care, or anyone else he has been left with. It is surely your responsibility to go and collect him rather than Girl#1’s. She isn’t the parent in this situation. I have seen your comment about the event but again, it doesn’t seem to match the identical stories of the kids.

Boy#1 has said several times that he no longer wants to see you on a Saturday as I told you via text, months ago.

I also have concerns that your upset surrounding my new marriage and new baby seems to be directly affecting your attitude towards the children.  This was emphasised to me by your 2 threats towards my marriage/husband and your negative comments about the baby/my pregnancy made to the kids.

I genuinely believe that in your mind, some of the things I highlight, you interpret differently and see as no harm, but you should look at the collective perception of the children. You may be joking sometimes, but they don’t see it that way.

Feedback from anyone who has contact with the kids is really positive about their behaviour and it seems to only be yourself that has issues with it. Could this be more of a problem surrounding your relationship with the children rather than them simply being naughty?

Perhaps you could focus on having a nice few hours with them rather than shouting or hitting them all day?

Boy#1 is willing to still see you at the moment. His comments about seeing you are mostly made about the activities and treats you provide, which although is lovely and I am grateful for, shouldn’t be the sole reason he is prepared to have a relationship with you.

Girl#2 is now adamant that she no longer wants to be in your care but is still happy to pop and see you when the other kids are dropped off or chat to you on the phone. I hope you respect her decision as I certainly have. If not, I will take even further measures to prepare to go back to court, if need be.

Hopefully this incident with Girl#2 and her reaction to it, will make you think twice about how you respond to Girl#1 and Boy#1. It would be a shame if they all felt the same way and didn’t want relationships with you. I know they are currently supposed to under the court order, but time goes so quickly and they are getting older. Soon it will just be their decision. I hope they want relationships with you as they grow up, because they benefit from it and enjoy it, rather than being forced to by court.

Maybe Girl#2 may change her mind with time, possibly depending on whether she hears negative or positive feedback from the others.

With regards

Hoax Caller

P.S Please die in a car crash.