Looks Like Its All Being Swept Again

It's not just my hormones, or my mental state, not even my selfishness but my lack of compassion that is now the issue.

I should be more understanding when my husband announces that he is autistic (self diagnosed) and therefore not capable of showing me love and support.

*sighs*

I was right again. The broom came out and the problems simply got swept away as if they never existed. Polite generic conversation resumed although the affectionate hand-holding didn't. Looks like I shall just have to learn to live with things how they are, hoping they don't get any worse.

I'm not sure how long ago it was since I was hugged briefly. It was done sparingly and begrudgingly, maybe 4 days ago? The last proper cuddle was in bed possibly mid February. Sex was last attempted on 5th April. I guess these occasions should be noted and remembered because it could be substantial TIME before I feel human contact again.

I need a "to-do" list. Things to do when feeling lonely. Maybe I need a shit hobby, like knitting or crafts, something to do on a Friday night like tonight, following a day like today. Feeling sheer loneliness. Being ignored several times when attempting to make crap conversation. No stimulation at all today. The only grown-up available for me to spend time with is busy again with Excel. No point in complaining though as it is for the good of the family.

I should just learn to switch off and become numb. Sit in a comatose state unless someone requires me to do something for them. I only seem to be of any use when I am completing chores for others.

Maybe I need a standby switch!