Meme - What Are You Afraid Of ?

I have many fears, some common, some considered irrational however none quite have the same physical effect on me as the mortifying one I shall be sharing.

Tagged by Yummy Mummy No 1  

Darth Vader and Storm Troopers.

As a child I watched the Star Wars movies and remember regularly role-playing with the kids in the street as we used our "lightsabers" to battle (luckily, I was the only girl and could be Princess Leia) I also remember doing the same to "Dempsey and Makepeace" but that's a whole other Meme. My apprehension to Darth Vader has always been there, I can remember fearing his presence on the screen but that's were my anxiety ended.

Over the years it appears to have developed further into more of a phobia. Not seeing the black mask image and hearing that breathing frequently over the years, I'm not sure why the fear became irrational. Surely it should have dwindled with maturity and remained a childhood fear?

Working in a call centre, managers regularly akin costumes motivational purposes, looking past the fact that a grown man walking around dressed as Buzz Lightyear or Fred Flinstone causes a slump and temporary depression rather than boosting morale. I walked into the building one day to find several men dressed as Yoda, Darth Maul and Storm Troopers, I felt my heart literally drop and my stomach turn. I remember feeling hazy and my vision blurring a little while the panic set in with the realisation that I was surrounded.

I have never been keen on masks and have often taken dislike to some of the costumes at work (unfortunately it would appear that Banks like to spend money on vast selections of fancy dress as well as massive bonuses) particularly at Halloween, so my close friends and manager could predict my reaction.

I could feel breathless as I scanned the room for help but my eyes resting on the crème de la crème of terror. Darth Vader.

Don't get me wrong, the costume was far from wonderful quality and it was a far cry from Darth in the film but I can only describe the sensation as sheer terror, despite knowing the person who was inside it.  I caught sight of my manager herding the Star Wars ensemble to another part of the (fortunately)  large office while another colleague held the doors open wide for me to flee. But I couldn't run away in case....I was CHASED!

The only thing worse than seeing Darth Vader would be to be chased by him. I actually feel ill just typing that.

A few years previously I was working for a concert promoter who hired the Manchester Evening News Arena to hold a Star Wars Convention and a perk of the job was to attend for free. It was in line with the promotion of the new movies which fans where flying to America just to view the trailer in cinemas.

Walking round the tedious exhibits of film props and vehicles, seeing behind the scenes footage on massive screens, I wandered aimlessly between each room as the area had been divided into sections by thick black curtains. The final section for me was empty, everyone stood around looking a little confused at the balcony with stairs, at the far end of the make shift room. Then they appear...

Storm Troopers, marching into the room, bloody loads of them. I froze, this must be the point of turning, this is the moment when it became a phobia. The Storm Troopers walked between the small crowd and stood with guns pointed at us, surrounding us. I think I was panting and unable to talk. I know I wasn't going to move in case I attracted more attention from them. Then Darth Vader walked onto the balcony. I'm not sure if the costumes where directly from the movie but they were certainly fantastic quality. As good as it gets. Darth's breathing echoed around the room and he started to walk slowly down the stairs. I managed to refrain from curling into the foetal position and urinating, remaining statuesque as the Storm Troopers "arrested" one of the crowd and escorted him out of the area, flanked by Darth Vader. I left the arena in tears.

You may think that such a phobia is rarely tested as I can simply avoid the film and with prior knowledge can elude the fancy dress clad call centre managers, but when walking into the local shopping precinct with your partner on a Saturday afternoon, you don't expect to walk into a Sci-Fi convention.

I was too late. We were in the central courtyard and had missed all of the promotional posters, not realising what I was about to face until I saw six Storm Troopers walk out of Burtons holding their guns. I took refuge in Iceland, shaking with panic. I had only just moved in with OH and if he knew of my dislike for Darth and his white scary entourage, he certainly wasn't aware of  the dramatic reaction I would display. I tried to contain some of it and I am convinced he thought it was me acting or hamming it up, but I physically couldn't force my body to leave the safety of Iceland. Our planned shopping trip of two hours while our car was being valeted, I insisted was no longer plausible. Assuring him that If he got me safely from the central courtyard to the multi-storey car park, I would wait for him there but again, sheer terror was preventing me from functioning normally. Standing there feeling helpless and childlike, holding his hand and fighting off the dizziness that would cause me to drop to the floor if I allowed it, I tried to convey the absolute funk taking over my very being, whilst giggling in dismay, trying to laugh off the stupidity of what was causing me to react this way, thinking that he would be asking me to pack my bags when we arrived home or would be calling for my sectioning under the mental health act.

It's really hard to describe the effect fear has upon you but even hours later, my legs were still shaking, my body ached and I felt wired with adrenaline.

Apart from the odd email sent every now and then by colleagues, when they remember my fear (I notice them all swing back in their chairs and look towards me as the email pops up containing a Storm Trooper photograph) and an occasion when I sat in Pizza hut about to start my meal when I noticed a promotional six foot Darth Maul a few feet behind, causing me to leave before eating, my phobia isn't alarmed daily.

It's something I'm embarrassed of and something that can easily be taken advantage of. People don't get ridiculed for fear of heights! But I do laugh along too when others mock, even though my insides are churning and I fight not to faint.



I shall be brave now and look for supporting pictures for my post. Maybe if I squint and partially close my eyes, I won't be as frightened?