100th Post - The Year So Far...

It's been a busy six months...

When going through a stressful period at the start of the year, I turned to blogging, again. I've always had some form of diary but never had a routine and entries were at best sporadic, usually at times of sadness. This time I promised that I would be faithful and consistently post regardless of how busy things got and what mood I was currently absorbed by, so thankfully, the first half of 2010 has been recorded for all to see.

• The wedding kicked it all off and there are posts of plenty, of pre and post marriage arguments, worries about fitting my increasing baby bump into the dress and the realisation that I have to spend 5 days in a cottage with our families.

• Accounts of hormonal behaviour and pregnancy neurosis that surprisingly haven't resulted in my sectioning for safety of self and others.  

• The birth of Indigo and the highs and lows that come with an additional member of the family. 

• Pets have featured heavily so far with the arrival, and departure of Arnie the Pomeranian, the arrival and escaped of Dexter the hamster, followed by his recapture and recent unexplained death. And more cat based dramas ranging from the third litter of kittens to the current stress surrounding "stray cat" dilemma. It's still stalking my cats and fighting with them during the early hours, then marking it's territory, my conservatory, with its scent.

So what do the next 6 months hold? I have the trauma of arranging child care and returning to work, even though I desperately want to stay with Indie. I'm fearful of coping as a working mum of four. OH turns thirty so I'm sure he will have an "I'm getting old" wobble at some point. My relationship with OH is still a daily work in progress and we are eventually getting there but I'm pretty certain that my blog with always be filled with the difficult days. I guess being a part of a six member tribe there will always be something going on to report about.

I'm Such A Bad Parent...

...that when looking for a picture for my previous post on bad parenting, I found this picture...

And thought, wow, I do this ALL the time. 

Now I feel even worse!

 

Worst Mother In The World.

I've been having issues with other children in our cul-de-sac who, in my eyes, bully my three kids. Whenever they play outside there seems to be an constant stream of trouble and arguing and it's gotten to a point where I have confronted the neighbours about their children's behaviour.

Looking for an alternative as I don't want to spend the summer months listening to bickering, or consoling my children after being punched or stuffed into a wheelie bin,  I suggested the children play in the next village.

Technically, the next village is a 12 minute walk away from our house, but to drive, it's two miles. The area I live in was designed with stupidity and there is one road between each village, but you can easily take a short cut on foot.

I have always been a stricter, more apprehensive parent than my friends when it comes to playing out, computer games, film content etc. It's only been since we moved to this secluded cul-de-sac last year that I have let them play in the street.

All of their school friends live in the next village along, so I suggested dropping them off by car at the village green and leaving them with their mobile phones. The idea being, that they play as a group with the gang of kids that already congregate there and phone me if they need anything. I could then swoop in 6 minutes by car and assist them. Unbeknown to them, I would also do drive-bys, acting like a kerb crawler and observing them from a distance.

Let me just explain the ages of the tribe. Eldest girl is one year away from having to travel 8 miles by bus to high school unsupervised. She is responsible and trustworthy and acts more adult and parenty that I ever could. Next daughter is nine shortly, very streetwise and clever, she doesn't miss a trick at all. Then there is the boy, he is seven on Saturday. He is my concern about this new situation.

Should I leave a seven year old to play in the next village with only the supervision of his older sisters?

There is the argument that "back in the day" kids used to roam free. There wasn't a week gone by when I was a child, without me falling in a pond whilst trying to collect frog-spawn, or coming home with bits of branches stuck in my arms and legs after falling out of a tree (taking hours to remove in A and E.)   But then we all know things are different these days. Our eyes have been opened to this ever increasing evil world around us.

He shouldn't be his sisters responsibility so I had set up some rules and he was told that if he breaks them even once, he stays at home in future. After the first couple of attempts at leaving them, it seemed a success. The girls were sat on the grass with their classmates, doing whatever it is than 10 year old girls do (bitch and gossip) while the boy played with on the lawn of one of his class mates.

I received about 15 phone calls to my mobile and an assortment of text messages assuring me that everything was fine by the eldest and there was one incident when younger daughter needed the toilet. OH did a drive-by and confirmed that all seemed well.

The boy mentioned that his friend's dad wanted my contact number so I popped over to have a word with his mum, in the playground today.

I walked away from her in tears. I was made to feel like the worst parent in the world

She being a teacher and her husband being a policeman, thought it was unthinkable that I leave the boy and demanded a contact number in case he had any problems. I tried to explain that the girls both had mobiles with them and could reach me at any time and in fact, for some of the time I was parked out of sight around the corner breastfeeding the baby. She said that she would never forgive herself if anything happened to him. I again, tried to explain that he wasn't her responsibility but she butted in and said that he was playing near her house for 90 minutes in the warm weather, without having access to a drink. It was early evening on the occasion she was referring to and I assured her that he had taken a picnic with him. She seemed equally disgusted that the girls were allowed to play there too.

Nothing I could say would inspire her to listen to my reasoning for allowing him to be there in the first place. She stated that he could come and play on her lawn any time but it would be the same as if he had gone to her house for tea, she would be watching him and be accountable.

Giving up with my protest of "That wasn't what I was trying to achieve...not dumping my child on your front garden," I just walked back to the car and broke the news to the kids.

That they could no longer go to the next village to play.

As you can probably guess, their disappointment is immense and they look at me with huge wide eyes, pleading until I confirm again, their worst fears are true, they are now limited to playing with each other in the back garden. That's when I get the looks of repulsion, confirming that I am indeed, the worst parent in world.

I need lots of suggestions and thoughts as I'm still in tears over an hour later?

How wrong was I to leave him? Do I allow the girls to go and make him stay behind? How would I explain that to him? Should none of them be allowed out of sight at all?

I also need to bear in mind that their primary school is a 3 mile walk, routing through this village. I am under heavy pressure to give consent to the girls for cycling to school alone each day. If I give in and let them, then surely being on foot 2 miles away, in said village, is safer?

First Wordless Wednesday - British Summer

Taken 6th June 2010 by Ava (Aged 8)

Motivation

The football is on in the background with the constant vuvuzela hum that shall be my soundtrack for the next fortnight. OH is sitting next to me playing with the baby, making loud cooing, booing and imitation vuvuzela noises that the baby is lapping up, giggling and cooing in return. I have to exercise and I cannot be bothered.

I refrained from eating chilli dogs with him and opted for some bread made with what appears to be bird seed. Do I go out for my walk/jog even though its incredibly dark outside and surely to rain? Do I attempt a celebrity work out DVD or do I play on Wii fit for awhile? Regardless of my choice I know I will be wearing my Easytones.

I have a specific occasion in mind as my motivation for losing the excess baby weight(not that I will stop at that point) and it's connected to OH's upcoming birthday. No more shall be said as he is currently next to me on the sofa.

But the daily motivation comes from images of the Reebok advertising campaign and the celebrities currently seen endorsing those trainers. Not that I will ever achieve anything close, but I can definitely improve.
Every time my laziness kicks in, I just have to look at the following...

My namesake Kelly Brook who is endorsing the Easytones for an advertising campaign.

Helena Christensen (mother of one and aged 41)

And the original ad campaign

Reebok EasyTones Update

My legs shake and my feet feel incredibly tired but I'm pretty proud of myself and Ava.

Today we walked five miles through four villages in the heat of the midday sun. Okay, we are hardly overwhelmed with sunshine and glorious weather but it was definitely more than warm on our journey.

Since having Indigo I have been unable to diet having zero willpower even though I am desperate to lose the baby weight quickly. Actually, I have no will-power at all when it comes to food and am one of those types of people that successfully finds an excuse to eat. At times of sadness or happiness, when stressed or relaxed and times of celebration or commiseration my thoughts always turn to food. Weighing myself after the birth, I was startled to discover I was lighter than before I conceived, reason being a full nine months of hyperemesis graviduim aka extreme morning sickness, however the novelty of being able to eat again and the uncontrollable feeling of starvation when breastfeeding caused me to simply caved and binge. Food stuff that I haven't tasted during this pregnancy such as cereal is now a drug for me. Yes, Honey Nut Cornflakes are my smack and although I can just about restrain myself from getting up in the night for a bowl, I have polished of a full 12 portions during one particularly hungry day. 
In my mind, my actions are justified. I am feeding another human being, her survival dependant on my ability to create good quantity of quality milk. Surely If I crave cereal then it is what my body needs for this process. I'm hardly sitting in the corner chomping on a multi pack of Monster Munch and a family sized Galaxy bar, even though I easily could.

Anyway, the inability to eat healthily and sparsely has been frustrating, so I decided to tackle it from another angle…Exercise.

Surely, if an effort was made to push my tired and lazy body through some gruelling regime then that would make some difference.

This being the reason why, I purchased the Reebok Easytones.

If I can start to feel fitter and healthier, then perhaps the diet will be a natural progression.

So a new game has developed call Abandonment. Other Half drops me at a certain location, 2 miles away then times my mission back home. I walk as fast as I can, which is by no means power walking but will attempt a little jog too.

My first abandonment was unsuccessful and I realised that this game required a sports bra otherwise the villagers will be after compensation for trauma.

28 minutes after OH drove away leaving me standing next to the village pond, I arrived home, gasping for breath, blotchy faced and sweating like a mother lucker.

Second attempt was a drop off at the same location. But this time my breasts were more tightly restrained and I managed to start my jogging schedule of jog to the next lamppost then power walk until I reached the following one. My throat burned from inexperience and my endeavours at jogging slowed my fast walking to a crawl. Still, I shaved 4 minutes off my journey and felt satisfied when I collapsed on the sofa sweating.

People have asked if Easytones are worth buying at around RRP £80. So far, I would highly recommend them. My leg muscles and buttocks are definitely tightening and in addition to my power walks, they are worn to the supermarket or on the school run. In fairness though, any exercise would make my flabby unused muscles feel pinched but I am convinced the effect these trainers have on the way I walk makes a difference. You cannot help but wiggle your bum as you move with the EasyTones and as I tire, the unbalanced sole of the shoe becomes more apparent causing more strain on remaining upright. A four hour shopping trip around the city wearing EasyTones was shattering and I felt as if my tired legs had completed a marathon Wii fit balancing game.

The only problem is, this walking is wonderful for my legs and bum but it’s my stomach that needs attention. Not quite losing baby weight after each child, plus my increasing age and general limited movement, I have hips that any mother bearer would be proud of and the dreaded mummy tummy. My humongous hard bump has vanished leaving my stomach muscles feeling as strong as wet paper, sagging and upsetting. I have no problem with having a large bottom and being hippy (I don’t mean bohemian, I mean having a pair of hips to rival Beyonce or Fern Britton,) but this stomach needs some dedication and consideration. 

Does walking even have an effect on stomach muscles? I shall Google!

BENEFITS OF WALKING (The Walking Site) - Burns calories (should help with all the cereal eating), strengthens back muscles (helpful), slims your waist (winner), easy on your joints( I am getting older), strengthens your bones (???), lowers blood pressure, allows time with family and friends (bonus), shapes and tones your legs and butt (obviously an American site), cuts cholesterol (Carol Vorderman eat your heart out), reduces risk of heart disease, diabetes, & more (such as?), reduces stress (can eliminate ex-husbands?), sleep better (another bonus), Improves mood and outlook on life (A bonus in Stuart’s eyes?) Can be done almost anywhere (a given!), requires no equipment (it kind of does though as I have purchased cute yoga pants and the precious shoes) AND it's Free.

Okay, so walking is an all-round winner!

I’m extra proud then of my feat today. Playing a new version of the game called Rescue. Ava and I left the house with good intentions. We would absolutely jog for a lamppost, then walk, then jog, both punching our alternating fists forwards with each stride. We lasted about 10 minutes before she got a stitch however, she soldered on. There was no fixed plan of where we were going but would see what direction our feet would take us. Slow walking, medium paced to power walking with a wiggle progressing to a jog (our feet just barely left the floor and we could be passed by a pensioner with a frame,) we varied the speed as necessary. It was becoming a beautiful afternoon and it was time preciously spent with Ava, who now stays home on a Saturday while the others see their Dad. We talked, when we weren’t out of breath, about life in general and plodded on.

We walked through our village, then the next two after that. On entering the fourth village we decided to quit. Honestly, I could have continued, but I was more than aware that Ava was starting to struggle and was so proud of her for not wasting her afternoon lying on the sofa watching Mary-Kate and Ashley reruns.

The game now becoming Rescue, the plan was to call Stuart to come and collect us by car but there was a glitch in the plan…my iPhone had crashed and wouldn’t restart.

The thought of attempting that distance back brought tears to my eyes. Ava looked fearful as it dawned on her too. Some of my fumbling must have worked as the phone starting ringing and I could see a photo of Stuart on the screen. Hurrah, we were saved.

So this week I have walked a total of 9 miles in 2 hours 22 minutes. It’s hardly record breaking but it is a beginning to something much greater, I hope. 

My need to justify spending a significant amount (for me) on a pair of EasyTone trainers, has resulted in a commitment in this new challenge to lose weight.

Several hours after my walk, my shins ache, my calves throb any my EasyTones look as pretty as ever.

Seven Things That Make Me Grumpy Meme

I haven't been tagged in another's post 

nor have I tagged another in this 

but this meme appealed to me, allowing a grouchy rant... 

#1 Coat-hangers - Whether I can explain this annoyance, I'm not sure. Maybe it's the association of doing laundry or the system I use; Gathering heaps of clothes until our wardrobes are empty then from the collection of coat-hangers in a box, I will attempt to try and find the perfect hanger for each item. The item then is hung on a hook until I can coax the owner to collect and store it in their room.
Clothes come off the hangers regardless how carefully I put them on. They seem to clug together and become impossible to separate and make such a horrendous noise. Correctly, I knew my explanation would be poor as I have no justification for my hatred. I simply know I feel more than irked just thinking about them.

#2 Fish - Never have I been able to eat it, look at it or tolerate the smell of it. I just would never be able to digest something that has scales. Sometimes I can cope with watching live fish swimming in a tank, pretty ones, but I can't look directly at their freaky bulbous eyes or their poo that hangs down like a thread of cotton. I shudder at the thought of them gasping when out of water and if they panic and flap, tail curling and head swaying, I simply become ill.
The smell of fish to me, is like garlic to a vampire. I cannot sit near anyone in a restaurant eating it and the sight of tuna mayonnaise on the counter in Subway, slopped onto the bread with an ice-cream scoop (baulks) has actually deterred me from eating there. My children only eat fish at school and I make a mental note on that day not to let them kiss me at bedtime but for me to peck their forehead. The same goes for OH, if he betrays me and brings home a fish supper, even after brushing his teeth, I won't go near for a few days.

#3 Doctor's Receptionists - A breed of their own with no customer service skills, in fact, no people skills at all. They are obnoxious, aggressive and patronising which surely can't be part of the job criteria . They need to fully remember they are civil SERVANTS serving the public at a time of vulnerability. You can hear the sadistic pleasure in their tone after coercing you to divulge your embarrassing symptoms, arguing the need for you receiving medical attention, then arrogantly telling you, there are no appointments available until next week. Vile creatures.

#4 The "Next" Sale - Queuing at 5am in front of an average shop to FIGHT for some average styled clothes that have a couple of quid knocked off the price. Attempting once, after the hype enforced by the rest of my "mums with kids" circle of friends I considered that I could be missing out. Being a mother of three, a lazy one at that, whom loved her sleep, I could only commit to taking a mooch a couple of hours later. You know, at an hour when the normal people when shopping. I was advised that the best would be go11ne but there would still be bargains to grab. I didn't think my friend was being literal. Grabbing, pushing, snatching, running and at one point I witnessed some arguing. That was the point that made me drop the few items I had gathered and head for the door. I try an avoid Next at all costs now, feeling scarred for life.

#5 Fearne Cotton and Edith Bowman - I'm unsure as how or why these two specimens have careers as presenters. Whether it is on radio or television, they always fail for me. Their voices are beyond irritating and I would happily tune in to the sound of nails on a blackboard than to listen to their "unsuitable for radio" sounding drivel. Both consistently look as if they have been dragged through a hedge backwards, then pulled along a path and finally dunked in a pond over run with weeds. I am heavily irked that these people get to cover festivals that I cannot attend and in order for me to experience any of the performances, I have to restrain my overwhelming urge to smash the television screen and sit with clenched teeth being another number adding to their ratings.

#6 Primark    - Tat, pure and simple. Never have I been successful in finding anything that fitted well or looked anything more than shocking quality. The nature of the shop reminds me of a jumble sale and things just seemed to be packed in tightly, so crammed that everything just falls on the floor when you try to find your size. Unfortunately, my daughter loves Primark and as she gets more tat for her money than other shops. I know this is incredibly controversial and that many are totally satisfied with everything Primark has to offer and I am the minority, but I can’t abide the place. More annoying than the shop, is it’s following. The place is always chocker and even my nan is a fan of “Primart,”  I have endless references to it on my Facebook newsfeed and I’m the only one that doesn’t belong to a “Primarni” group. I’m not being snobbish whatsoever and often shop for clothes in supermarkets due to convenience and price but there is something about this particular store that makes me start cracking my knuckles at the thought of it.

#7 Blogger or Opera  - Both are crashing and Blogger isn’t auto saving my work resulting in mucho frustration as this is my fifth attempt to finish this post.